a restless night's sleep.

when you can walk alone at night, enjoying the stars and the evening sky,
I will then be there to say hello.
I will not hold your hand nor cradle your head,
but I will say hello and offer a hug.

an alcoholic of an athlete.

What is a substance? And what is considered abusing it? By who's standards? What makes one better, safer, or more acceptable? Can it be justified?
Who decides? We all follow. And we all criticize.
..yet we all do.

there's purpose, in everything I do.

making you proud, that is my biggest motivation.
feeling the smile on your face
and the warmth in your heart
when you tell me how proud I make you.
that's it.

I grew up,
lived by your stories.
the excitement and joy,
risk and adventure.
I envied you.
wanted to be you.

I am now living my own stories,
one day at a time I am filling the pages of a never written book.
 but always remembered.

a paralel path halfway dusted down,
I am proud to be living this life.
with only the strength and guidance
I get from you.

I am proud of you,
so incredibly proud.

you did not know it,
never knew what to do.
might have felt you haven't been able to give me much at all..

well..,
you gave me the courage to be myself,
and unconditional love.
for that,
I thank you.

mom & dad

I never had it, but ALWAYS wanted it.
Now I have it,
and I want to use it.

a day before a holiday is just another day.

those that are strong, let em be strong/
those that talk, let talk/
those who do not listen or be patient,
    will never know..

DON"T TRY, JUST DO.

i've already accomplished greatness

2:34am

my biggest problem is i want to change the world...
i feel so overwhelmed because the world is so big. how am i going to do it?
  will i self destruct?

???

what I love to do hurts the most.
But I cannot ever settle for doing anything less...

take a walk with me.. i'll show you a story

the story was of a man who lives in the town.
  never seen a man so up and down.
his north was straight,
south and east.
 west was what ever  could become
never mattered much,
it was as a setting sun.

fears lined,
across his shoulders.
 though it was never seen.
who's confusing,
he asks his shadow..
claiming it is as true as gold.

carefully he stands,
perched high on the tower.
 cleverly planning his night.
he's the up and down man,
who sways from the plan
he swear he is never living.

last night.

The water pours, sliding down my skin, 
as it washes away all of last nights sins. 
One for a push, twice for a shove, 
I was placed in the middle, like a hand squeezed in a glove. 
Spiraling up, afraid to climb, 
bottle of vodka, two hits for a dime.
To an fro, 
we are just players of a game, as we come an go. 
Back to the start, childish stares, 
colorful beanie, watch the glares. 
Dancing about as I make her smile, 
reaching for the sky, I top the pile. 
Ready to fall, all the way down, 
hurry up and borrow my crown. 
Lines lines, four to the nose,
not one drink, nobody knows. 
 This night is ours, wrapped with a bow, 
 find your seat and enjoy the show. 

I am happy because..

such a frustrating day... I wanna know how you're always so happy.

Well. I don't just think, I know and believe that I am extremely fortunate and grateful to live where I live, go to school where I do, have friends and family that love and support me. Life can only be paradise at that point. Every single one of us has hard days, troubles, stresses, and fears, it's normal. We shouldn't expect anything less. It's exciting knowing we have the power to over come it all. And on top of all that, one of the main things that keeps me happy is knowing that it could always be worse: not having basic rights or freedoms etc. It is a pleasure and joy to live this life. I am happy because I understand it to be a gift and take advantage living each moment to the fullest.

i am at peace.

cool ocean breeze, the air fills my lungs.
the sound of the waves, soothing my soul.
the sea of flickering lights, line the horizon.
a deep breath, and i am whole once again.
take a moment for myself,
i deserve it.

as a ring lay on your finger, smooth and soft. you are not yourself.

the wind passes by as a freight train in the night.
trees shake, twist, and bend.
the ocean is a live,
angry and cold.
the building rumbles,
wind screams by.
we are not alone
as we all experience a chill.

the more lines you throw out there the more likely you are to catch a fish.

and it was my day.
i was free to choose what i want.
my path or plan,
actions and moves.
and i chose.
 i enjoyed myself.

you can't help someone unless they are willing to help themselves..

no more sleep.

it will never be handed to you. you are in control and will get out of it what you put into it. no matter how high the walls or how deep down in a rut, there is no celling. you can always fly.

January 27th

Today is an important day. and it must be done right.

"today felt like Christmas"

.

talking is my therapy.

it's only a distraction.

we think that those that talk to themselves as weird, strange, crazy, or special.
but don't you think to yourself?
have thoughts, ponder ideas, question certain things.....do you write or paint and speak your art as you create it?
Can you explain the difference?

it's a miracle. well of course it is. i wouldn't have expected anything else.

i hope you [what] are happy and well

the [what] that i miss is broad, various in forms but all just as true and real. what i miss is not the exact same as what i long for. very similar though. when ever that time is it will be the right time and what i miss will become what i remember and cherish. sadness is replaced with happiness and we smile when we see lilies.

the only two certain things in life:

CHANGE

   and

DEATH



accept, embrace, and do not fear.

matching your actions to your intentions is not always as easy as it seems. a constant process to be the best i can be

your mind is powerful enough to overcome it.

we are never bigger than our actions. we can never be more than what we do. if we hold ourselves to such a high value and standard, then we must perform to such every moment of every day. for the times in between greatness do not make you great..unless you are taking steps forward. model the way every day, and you will never fail.

it's okay.

we all have our issues.

none of us are perfect. 

very far from it in fact.

we excel in some areas, 

and fail in others. 

there is no way around it. 

my fault might be a small one,

but it affects you in such a deep way.

i may not ever understand.

i hope i will be able to fix it.

an i hope you know

you made me realize 

more than anyone else 

ever has.

i'm sorry i couldn't have

been better with it,

understood it more 

when i was with you.

i am trying to

learn.

the powers of vulnerability....did you realize?


http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html?source=email#.UMAjMSiHWOZ.email

take a cup and fill it half way with water. look at it until you realize it is half full,
then start your day.

she say, "paint me a picture of optimism if you are so clever."

I smile back at her

15 hours in, and counting..

taking a moment to realize you do not know what you know. removing yourself as a follower of the natural flow and way things ought to be.. will allow you to reflect in a way you previously thought impossible. you will be pleasantly surprised with your progression for it can only be positive when you believe in yourself.

you cannot flip a one sided coin.

wearing the shoe on the opposite foot is not the same as wearing my shoe.

the hours of the day seem motionless.

my bones shiver an shake..
down to the core i am cold..

i must press on,
when all i want is sleep.

ahhhh

misunderstanding.....it doesn't have to be such a motherfucker.
"...accept the things I can not change..."

and move on.

it is titled: energy

what i want from you has nothing to do with me.
i can not benefit directly nor on any tangible level as you can,
but i still want it from you.
you to be motivated each day for you.
inspired and happy
because your individual life is good.
to be goal accomplishing and future bound
carried by your visions and aspirations
consciously and actively seeking your dreams.
this reality not harsh no complicated,
just lost among the few fallen leaves.
it is out there,
for you.

who do you want to be?

everybody has problems.
your biggest problem is you think you're the only one.
give yourself a brake and remove that doubt.
"normal" is having difficulties,
what raises you above is accepting and overcoming them.

Transforming leadership

-can result in a relationship of mutual stimulation and elevation that converts followers into leaders and may convert leaders into moral agents...

the information man.

courtesy of a friend-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIr4pL9P0SA

today is an exciting day.
i did not dream of making it to the top,
i already accomplished it and am making my way there.

you make me drink, when i don't want to drink..
but man i really wish i had some whiskey.

you can sleep when you are dead..
it's only a frame of mind.

do not cut yourself short though for you will die if your body does not get rest.
play friendly with the line and push yourself

i bought myself a cake today..
i can't eat it though.

floating on the surface when you think you are diving deep.
the fish nip at your toes
and the sun on your back.

bare belly-button

it's that calm collective look,
a questioning sense of energy you poses.
 was reclining position that gave you the objective seat,
and the stilts is where i walked.
the fire burned bright and heat poured out,
all over our faces, but none strolled away.
together we all stand.
and boy did we laugh.

i just did it for me.

inspiration hidden amongst your own actions..

who knew they could hold so much power

you are my sister.

you always had and continue to have my best interest in mind.
i could not fight with you
therefore you always won...and were right.
but i love you dearly.

a sacrifice of yourself to save your men.. in who's mind is it a good choice?

our actions hold more weight then we think..
if you brush it off with a shrug...someone might take it to heart.
do your best to remember that.

i am just learning

its funny how things work out..
a bird just born, spreading its wings
leaps from the nest to fall towards the earth.
naturally it falls, spins spiraling down gravity taking control.
yet at the last moment it falls on a soft bed of leaves
bouncing and begins to take flight as though it never fell to begin with.

tonight i saw a man
he held pepper in his hand.
gripped the cap off, it was tight
poored that shit out layered n right.
blanketed the food,
he seemed to be in an okay mood.
he was alone and so was i,
but i never looked him in the eye.
he was friendly, and used his name,
for a stranger we became.
this man was older, nice n wise,
the fuckin pepper was his demise...

my brother

your family doesn't need to be blood..
all that matters is that they are they for you when ever it truly counts.
you can not see or talk to them in weeks or months,
but when you call
they show up as if they've never left.

how can you classify excitement?
is it as easy to put a title to it as it is to be excited?
could you tell if it was false true or pure?
...either way it's exciting!

gettin pushed down a slide

Polaroid

this energy peaking through the earth as a new steam from a seed, it begins to wrap aggressively round everything in reach as it climbs to the sky.
taking over all as it shares their life line to this world.
each connected and feels the same pain.
but yet it climbs while everything else stays motionless.
it is not a tree for it will never have a trunk,
this vine takes control.
making it all slowly fade.
a love connection built strong by natures lust,
is now being uprooted and lifted with the vine.
flowers still grow..
from the vine?

recharge

teach me how to be selfish...

stress does not exist, frustration in an obscure form.
i am here for the world. and that's it.
no two sided coin to flip,
no fifty fifty chance to be chosen.
i for me and me for me..

unplugged from the energy that connects us all.
one day it will be clear and i will sail over the rainbow.
  looking for the day to be mine.

optimism as a curse?

make the most.

that which you think and believe to be perfect,
might actually be a storm brewing beneath..
to define perfection is to title 'normal' and paint a picture to what we all  may think.
never
ever
take anything for granted,
you never know when it might slip away.

you gotta be there for someone at the right time and in the right way..
because it is that one chance,
that one moment when it all counts and they need you most.
and they will be reassured and find peace within themselves
because of you.
and it becomes worth it for that specific second.

724

hypocriically insane..
logically driven,
reasonable at best.
analytical freak,
courageously loving.
inspired by good.
optimistically full,
tonight i made it home safe.

we are all constantly trying to impress...
but the only ones we continue to let down is ourself

cocachina

purposely full of inconsiderate jokes.
showboating the entire way down the street
as you hypocritically smile.
which one of us are you actually fooling?
better yet, who do you believe you are fooling, taking for a ride?
as much as mine is mine for mine and is not for you. me me me me me me me...
and i forgot your name.
  i will owe you..
  i got you man you know that..
  ..it's all good
not a hopeful sense of cherished selflessness,
from the nights beginning.
you fell asleep with the lights on and they reaped your land.
stole the diamonds, and never looked back.
funny thing is...
nobody knows but me.

frustration is one mother fucker of motivation.

a new experience that has now been relived many times over. as the leaves grow and change their colors each season around, a new set, a new look, a new wonderful experience for those who have not seen its beauty. however..at the same time, this tree has lost and grown its leaves time and time again. but when you rake them up this time around, you will use a bag that does not have holes, a rake twice as big, and you will have the wind behind you sweeping up what you have missed. for it is not the fallen leaves that keeps you coming back.

can you logically judge someone to the point where simple logic and the lack thereof this person possesses could allow you to comfortably judge them care and karma free? can it ever reach a morally acceptable level?

#31

todays lesson, commitment.

your word means nothing when you don't show up. race day comes and you are no where to be found. a goal is set, training in place, you will reach that finish line if you remain committed. only you possess the power to carry on and take that first step. once you feel that magical accomplish, you become unstoppable and will never be beat. for no one else other then yourself, hold on and cherish that commitment. be committed to the finish...the journey will surprise you as you are filled with joy.

did you forget to tell yourself today that life is good.
?

19 hours

once again, put those feelers out. can you be surprised at the results when you never came down from the top of the list?

pouring water in a well while drinking from the bucket you've raised. gaining joy as it rest on your lips, ever so softly, feeling the cool go down. can't decide if you're destroying or enhancing such experiences, or completely acting a fool. all you know is at the end of the day you smile

most astute.

nervously leaving the nest,
cushioned by leaves, falling on your chest.
fixer, the baker, stirrer, and mixer..
lime and crutch
mental map made thicker.
guidance to build with no x marking the spot,
nor directions eight times printed out cooked in the same pot.
solid as stone, soft as a peach,
ripen yourself in order to taste glory, and expand your reach.
no fools gold to be panned for fame,
stepping stones accurately gained.
to each is own, showered and shared,
an oasis to the heat, standing strong, tall and paired.
my path will be true, honest and fair,

achievement is in the air.

a skate

at what point does confidence surpass skill?

can you believe in yourself enough to actually use it when you should?

if a painter made famous off a unaware woman's extra large ugly features...he can not share with the world

mirrors... what a sort of curse
to be able to look back at yourself,
actually feel your emotion as you wear it on your face.
you can't hide it from yourself,
can you fake it? what would give you reason to do so?
it's not fake, it's there
the feeling i get,
but consistency is what holds the knot in the rope tight.
i for one, am no shaman.
can far separate spirits connect?
even with the dance an music of the wild, nature cannot be unnatural
nor performed.
as a lottery ball bounce round its cage.
today i am happy,
and that is more then enough to take me into tomorrow with a smile on my face.

"you might not get school, but you get life."

energy high!

another day...
it's going to be an insanely long one.
wont have another one this week near as long as today..
just want it to be over already....ughh
can't see the light at the end.
as soon as it is over, if it does ever end, i'll be right back at it in the morning...
soo over this shit.


it's twenty-four hours full just like them all,
time doesn't move faster or slower depending on the substance of the day.
it's can always be your last..enjoy the shit out of it!!

one nights randomness..

I sit easy but not in the most comfortable way. It hits like a storm in the middle of a field of daises. Twenty-four stand still as they lay on a wavy ocean but yet empty in the same way as sand leaving the soul.

____________

Its funny how I look into her eyes as she stares at someone else.

I think of the rest of the evening, me three, you, two.

Three or four but never any more.

Deal again,

If I’m alone in the end,

It’s possible cause its just about certain.

______________

Past days have come up once again in the midst of this evening’s moon.

Lips of faith preaching down only one individualistic character into booming heights.

When it comes no shield is needed, nor no swords-n-knives.

This session is now over…

“Moved on”, really happened.

fire og.

Young, scared in a shattered world burn by flame; you slowly stride into one town from the next. Tail between your legs, no backbone or strength to survive but continues to trot on. Before mistaken and thrown, now simply sliding among toads and lilies. The pond awaits you. For all glory will be had.

“from than on this lustful life being lived will not truly comprehend the size or shape in which the river flows as Sheppard’s await us. Arise these children in the night to reflect the dawn. Till morning is spring and the birds’ duth sing an endless tune of joy and feather some compassion.”

light post.

A dark corner in a dark part of town one lonely street lamp almost saddened in its posture lights up the entire little town. People go to meet underneath it. For a coffee, a smoke, a drug deal, a kiss. Embrace this light, look at it with joy because within its’ all quietness and shyness is beauty and power. Has a skill like a friendly hand waiting to be shaken. This lamp we will call Stewart. It will be there for you on a dark night but not enough to play with the sun, if that was the case it would be way to much involvement and he knows that. So he keeps to himself and others tend to him with a drive you don’t often see. He will always be there for you on a dark night waiting to help set you free.

flyin in the clouds.

Are you rollin?

I want what you're on!

I need good energy to promote my energy.

I stand with my feet together.

as the rain pours, i stand dry.

it's a mighty breeze 

for this honey bee,

her pollen safe an sound.

held by the sap

which was never a trap, 

as she climbs her way to the ground.

a flower stem so high

the pedals in the sky, 

a many to choose as you fly around.

no need to worry

or a sense of hurry, 

as today, I am found. 

today.

from this view the cars look like shimmers of the ocean. I'm not in heaven nor even close, but feel more free an at peace if I was so.

What defines a good person? Their actions would be both a logical and a good answer. But which of their actions serve as the criteria for judgement? What aspects are acceptable to hold has honorable and role model like? My hero may have some problems, addictions and habits. But for other reasons,
my hero.

was on hiatus from life, but never stopped breathing.
never stepped out, nor removed completely,
was never actually there in its entirety.
a secretaries job to cover the tracks.
resting easy was always the right choice.

mc-

you make me feel so beautiful and comfortable.

I've stepped in gum to many times to spit it out.

you have to have an understanding of those you pursue.

it just is.

experience and live the journey.
take a chance,
you'll never know how it could go,
the single possibility of being potentially good,
should keep you smiling.

one of those rings that wraps your entire finger.

always pleasantly surprised when you don't expect anything

an oreo filling when you hate cookies.

experience is knowledge.

a detour allows you to build your own map.
making mistakes show you the best way.

as a preacher warms the hearts of his congregation, tends to prayers and gives advice.
he is alone. for he can not follow is own words,
the pressure breaks him, makes him weak.
his confidence is derived
vicariously through others.

a genie can grant you any wish you please...
yet he is still stuck in the bottle.

sensual..

feels good

excitement is where comfortability and fear hang out

everyday

be good, stay calm, rest softly.
happiness is easy.

an equal playing field?

to be afraid of karma as to live in fear of god..
  at what point are we all pointing fingers?

what's at the source of it?
the intention behind the magicians magic.
 is it just a trick? or does he purposely misguide you
with an illusion.
you always enjoy the show though..
independently the little things surprise you,
but it is in the entirety of the performance where you are amazed.