Sun's up. 

The moon has yet to set. 

It never seems to disappear beyond my sight, 

beyond my grasp

anymore these days. 

She's always just there.

There's a comfort in knowing the balance of the two.

A creation of a day.

The stillness in a morning, 

and the crispness under the stars. 

A few simple thoughts

 To see the brokenness, before it’s broken. To a hear the vibrations of the in between, before a crevasse exists. Knowing of the impending doom, or rather assuming the inevitable. Lack of a belief in the system, or the people in which the systems are ran, supported. Yet, encouragingly, at the same time, a protective and projecting hope on each individual separate from the systems and collective whole. Importantly, and empathetically resisting, anxiously sitting sideline, casted away from the netted norm. Momentarily feeling and sensing the foreshadowing fall of the world and existence within, standing tall at resistance no matter the cause. Alone in arms, silently stepping forward with uplifting hands. Together, one soul evolution at a time. Each experience digested and felt, just long enough to compute resTo see the brokenness, before it’s broken. To a hear the vibrations of the in between, before a crevasse exists. Knowing of the impending doom, or rather assuming the inevitable. Lack of a belief in the system, or the people in which the systems are ran, supported. Yet, encouragingly, at the same time, a protective and projecting hope on each individual separate from the systems and collective whole. Importantly, and empathetically resisting, anxiously sitting sideline, casted away from the netted norm. Momentarily feeling and sensing the foreshadowing fall of the world and existence within, standing tall at resistance no matter the cause. Alone in arms, silently stepping forward with uplifting hands. Together, one soul evolution at a time. Each experience digested and felt, just long enough to compute responsibility and the necessary personal shift. Not completely today, or in the vastness of the whole, yet, within the now seeking shelter in acceptance of growth. Engines are being tuned. Grateful at the chance of a new day. ponsibility and the necessary personal shift. Not completely today, or in the vastness of the whole, yet, within the now seeking shelter in acceptance of growth. Engines are being tuned. Grateful at the chance of a new day. 

I was once told all knowing, able to be felt and experienced love is as deep and vast as the ocean. I was then told I am stuck in the deep end of a pool. That my ability to fully love was limited to my physical self; and apparently unable to be fully received? Or simply not enough.
I don't know what's better; a warm sunny day, floating calmly on the surface of a pool. Or, lost at sea, trapped amongst the waves searching for land, desperate to be found before you drown.
Fuck you and your ocean, I'll be chillin poolside.

SCREAM!
He yells at the side of her face.
Halfway hiding
Sarcasm shields her
And
Holds the shared space.
Distracted.
With drawn.
She pulls away.
His shoulders slouch as he takes a deep,
Breath.
He's been defeated by his destruction.
He. knows it cuts deeper.
I care he tells her.
I'm sorry the words crumble from his lips.
HA!
Gotcha ya punk she laughs in his face.
She's won.
Yet again.

Discovery!

I've made a discovery!
He yells out loud as if he's became a new father.
Proud.
Full of joy.
Elated.
I've made a discovery!
He yells and yells to no one as he dances in a circle.
Can you believe it?!
It's true!
Oh my it's true!
There are and always have been four parts to
dis, cov, er, y.
Then, in that moment he stops.
His face flush.
His breath dancing within his chest.
Oh my...
He regrettably says as faint as a whisper.
What have I done..?
Dis, cov, er, y.
I was never actually complete.

Things move.
You're either in or you're out.
She rips her heart out of her chest.
I do not shy away.
We lay face to face
And kiss.

Do you ever realize that you're in control. That the world around you doesn't actually ever exist. This space. The time of the walls literally moving around you, yet you're sitting still. Completely present in the lives of those around you. Absolutely incomplete, and separate from their lives, but sharing the same moment with them. You arrive on the other end of the tunnel and nothing's changed. But you can decide to get off. And they probably won't even care.


The world turns.
She takes a deep breath.
She grabs his arm.
Never let go.

What you can control, you control well. what you can't control, you roll with as though you're dancing your way through a crowd with nothing but you and the music.
Floating along.
Mindless.
Secure.
Content on the unknown ahead, but fruitful in your decisions and your bounty. the space between control and complete chaos is simply full of interpretive dance.

A boy plants a seed, hoping for a rose. He understands that lots of sun, a gentle yet appropriate amount of water, and with some tender care, the seed will grow into a beautiful rose bush. Full of life. Full of love. The challenge that the boy is presented with however is a simple and easy way to make the bush grow into a single rose, miracle grow. Yet, every time, he will choose the sun as it kisses his face hello, and the roses bloom.

loyalty. love. support. family then fame.

we claim our actions by our intentions, yet a person is truly known, and truly loved by their actions. I answered the phone in a time of need. I listened and gave all the time that was needed. they then said thank you, I love you.

a good friend once told me, "you look way cooler than you are."

he sat back, smiled and shook his head. he knew I was in the driver seat of a car fast off the tracks.

today, we lived like kings

Defeated and broken. There's sadness behind their eyes. Hard worked. to the bone. They've put in the time, the work. They're hurt and used. Each one distracted. Contently engaged in a place other than here. The very few that are bubbling above the fill line are on a different frequency. They are more appropriate here, but don't belong. Independently alone. Hopeful destinations. The empty glasses will be filled upon arrival. I hope. Not for most. But definitely for some. We just don't wear it on our faces.

the members of an orchestra sound of chaos and dysfunction.
but when conducted into a symphony, the same chaotic jumble is the most beautiful sound in the world.

For a potter does not water the seeds, he simply eats the food.

Contextually framed, yet never claiming blame,
amongst those that have molded the clay.
It begins to take shape of what the Maker demands,
and then, it is formed.
Forever remaining the same.
The same precious piece so carefully and patiently made.
Hardened and stiff,
maintaining the mold and shape forever.
It is stone.
Its only potential to be shifted and altered,
smash and break.
Destroy what was so specifically placed together.
Build up a new foundation
piece by piece,
it becomes new.
And yet,
still beautiful.

this life. at the same time I am literally nothing, I am also completely everything.

I'll never be able to articulate it, but I now understand matter. And the oneness of the universe as our existence way beyond 'beings' but as one with the actual matter that we, us, this universe is created as. As a small grain of sand or dust of the dirt, I am connected to all that is created. I lost my reality, I lost my mind: but I found myself amongst something so much more profound than mankind, than space or the concept of an individual. I was part of the wind. Part of the earth. God's creation. I became whole amongst nothing. Amongst a complete part of everything. Yet I never lifted my head from the sandy beach. Once I stepped back, opened my eyes from what was not a dream, I stepped forward with no worry or pain. I was free from my insecurities, from my suffering. I was now able to continue forward in this life, existing in an understanding of a human being knowing my purpose for my short time here on earth.

As I walk down the street, preparing to meet my future.

So I've gotten older. Not much has changed. i've gotten more humble. I've realized I fucked up a lot. Made some mistakes. But I guess that's the difference of me being older: I now know how to become a better person. What it takes to grow. There's more to it than simply living and therefore you grow. It's humility. I have a long way to go, and I will never get there. But am constantly achieving. I request and require patience. I demand respect and love. I'm sensitive and emotional and do not have all the answers. I need attention but don't know how to ask for it. I have a strong opinion but am often afraid of being heard. Today I know that I matter. I believe that I am worthy. But tomorrow, there's a good chance I'll have doubts. Strength in numbers? Strength in admitting. Admitting is acceptance. Acceptance is painful. Poetry is truth. I get timid and afraid when people read my poetry. But I know it usually makes them smile. I am currently walking forward.

God teaches us lessons when we need them the most.

It's like a cloud has floated above me, and time begins to stand still.
I stand from my seat, a frail metal chair with wires for a back rest.
I gaze up towards the dark cloud as it begins to rain.
I find joy in the rain.
And sit back down on my thrown, waiting in the joy.

a love poem.

Roses are, well, roses. And I adore you.

freedom, ruffle, spit n fire.
unbalanced, spun, dance the wire.
chase and catch, movin about.
haste n hustle, shoot the spout.
stock for fortune, pride n lust.
no room the player, careless bust.
time proven, a magicians game.
subconscious intention, continuous fame.

the smell of old cigaret smoke lingers around.
i'm casted out, on full release.
bobbing in the water, the surface is calm and clean.
sitting in an old wooden chair, the arms are covered in maroon velvet. and there's an empty fireplace in the corner.
i sit with my feet up, relaxed yet not reclining.
this was once an important room. i can feel it. it's in the air.
the bobber bobs, tension increased.
distracted by the unseen movement below.
i'm no longer sitting straight up, hunch to my knees, and casual.
there is worry on my brow. but i'm smiling.
sitting back, i slowly sip my whiskey.
everything is going to be okay.

'You're a dreamer. Dreamers are often misunderstood.'

A race horse, a pace horse, I hear the crickets scream. To the finish line I race, I've won before I started, I beam. Strolling amongst the silence, my voice cracks the air. I'm alone on the track, no one to collect my fare. It's peaceful and pleasant, a mild and warm night. A bird chirps, says goodnight to the world, jumps, and takes flight. I run round the track, making the turn. My goal, the finish line, forever I yearn. She says I know you a little, but I know horses well. I ask, do you trust them, and do they treat you just as well? The bird yells, calls to its mate. I will sing forever, no worries the wait. This is my tree, the only one around. Constantly waiting, singing my sound. So loud, yet gracious, full of confidence and beauty. I hear you in the distance, calling ever so smoothly. I receive a stranger in the night, my own personal guardian. She walks with me silently, influencing, and wanderin. Friendly and trusting, leading my way. Each step I take, closer to another day. Closer to you, closer to that smile. Consuming at best, makes me forget the mile. I want to share this peace, this silence, this morning. Maybe one day I'll hold you, we slowly keep forming. Ers, is, I'm lost, and not yet found. Unconsciously walking, hovering above the ground. She says I'd follow you home, she says it with her eyes. Each time she speaks, she laughs, and heaven sighs. Eventually the world will stop turning, and all of our questions will be answered. But for the moments sake, I think you're pretty and quite the dancer. You make me smile, full of overwhelming joy. I feel it down to my ankles, this isn't a ploy. I'm at home already, the walk what a breeze. Each time you call me, we talk, oh what a tease. For the real thing to come, one day, possibly. Enjoy yourself over there, it will come suddenly. I'm ready today, don't want it to end. Goodnight I'll say now, my heart I continue to lend.

'I wish you were an abandoned wall, and I was the graffiti'

Infatuations with false ideals. Unintentionally filling voids. I skip alone through the misty night spilling my emotions to the stars. The fresh smell of rain and the empty streets, fuels my intoxication. I am wandering for you, drifting about, twirling beneath an understanding. Clarity hits, wrapped in a bow, as the words pour from my being. I've begun my process of waiting. For it seems as though, safe as a dream, my future my pride, will be mutually whole. Not to be held, replaced or refilled, but effortlessly easy. You've taught me this love, perfectly imperfect, when I wasn't even searching. Floating about, helpless and abandoned, a ship comes sailing by. Organic and pure, subconsciously secure, I know I am safe in your bounty. Each time that I'm held, guided and pulled, it's your love that surrounds me. Through passion and pain, pleasure inflamed, I am all around you. To pick it apart, there's truth in my heart, my world has consumed you. Still wandering about, but this time in the warmth of the misty morning. Your hand in mine, content and overly happy. I move forward no longer guessing. My confidence in this removes my natural sense of worry, and I am excited for the moments to come. For the graffiti finds the abandoned wall, and paints a picture of glory.

Victimized, truth in lies, I am no other, personally scrutinized.
Victimized, before my eyes, cognitively I terrorize.
Victimized, life capsized, through my lens I devise.
Victimized, to my surprise, life in whole catastrophised.
Victimized, personalized, daily done to my demise.

Anxiety driven to insanity.
Struggling frustrated begging for a plea.
Alone in this, simply just me.
Consistently inconsistent, with accountability.

Again and again, bouncing of the wall.
Each time present, not enjoying the fall.
Growth through power, forever so tall.
Practice proven, faster and faster to a crawl.

Always understood, yet sometimes forgotten.
Troubling pain, feeling quite rotten.
Plan devised, carefully plottin.
One day at a time, working towards stoppin.

Trying and trying, keep that smile.
Force it even, pull the file.
Laying beneath, heavy the pile.
Long road, single steps to a mile.

Routine today, feeling quite robust.
Confidence driven, simply just trust.
Pain and pleasure, facadely lust.
Positive reward, balance is a must.

Music played, calm and numb.
Strings of life, pulled and strum.
Continuously beat, worn out drum.
Days go by, false hoped fun.

inhibitionly drained. sexually debunked and framed. broken from the leash, restrained. this world a power hungry drain. religiously blame. folks reach for the starts yet become a stain. progressively easier to complain.

Grandma's Poem.

Petal to a rose, tear to an eye.
Today is beautiful, for you and I.
Physical flesh, here I'm not.
Growth through sadness, painfully taught.
I'm with you always, I am never gone.
Forever the anchor, emotionally strong.
Quality driven, pridefully boast.
Fullest life lived, completed with a toast.
My teacher my guide, the strongest of love.
Forever I'm with you, watching from above.
You're never alone, with you I fly.
Always smiling, even when you cry.
The memories run deep, true and real.
I feared this time, the pain you'd feel.
My biggest gift, that I left behind.
No need to look, search or find.
The love in the family, it's always been there.
Your job continues, to promote and share.
Show the world, wrap it in a bow.
Plant the seed, water watch and grow.
The love is pure, special and warm.
Bees around a hive, my family I'll swarm.
Feel my love, it's with you now.
Complete and honest, I'll show you how.
Good morning I'll say, never goodbye.
Today is beautiful, for you and I.

today is a moment for change. this change is not just a moment. presently distressed in the moment. My moment is present for change. it comes deep from within, lurking beneath the surface. it's jumbled though. 52 card pick up. disheveled and unclear. all with an intention and very simple order. they can be placed. i am the magician playing the trick. the only one in control.

Thank you for the wonderful times, pleasantly pushed, inspired rhymes.
I enjoyed myself like none before, I promise you, pleasure and more.
Tonight was fun, a true man's fame, lust experienced, no tigers tamed.
For I for you for me for us, come now, blister and lust.
Another time will come sooner than later, this is true, proven the maker.

I behold all the power, you hold the plug.

Grown to know, the difference between attraction distraction and reaction. Peacefully pleasing purposefully pressing potential. It's these walls where I get the most attention. Given hopelessly alone. From you, the simplest form of affection, shown as a thread through the eye of a needle, perfectly placed. Able to be strung out and hung. Dangling before the task at hand, waiting for the maker to start. As though it's a game played by the puppeteer carefully moving his checkers on a chess board. Slight confusion unconsciously rambling through chattered teeth. I behold all the power. Continuously learning the right choices are the hardest to make. Those that see and understand are the torch bearers of faith. We cannot always win. In Fact we don't often do. It's a term referred to altering perspective. Make believe. Pretend. No need to pinch yourself, as you will on your own wake up in the morning. And it will be another day. Take the steps of a choreographed life.

unexpected fun

we went into it without any expectations. we just followed and felt the energy and did what was right. and in the strangest of times, she laughed. I questioned her laughter, and she said simply as smiling ear to ear:

"I'm just having a good time!"

today this is a lesson. don't fall victim to a pretend sense of reality

 i just realized something. each night, felt pleasant and fun. something new, mellow, and relaxing. a time spent together, enjoying each other's company. indulging in a few things we don't normally get...looking back though, i guess it became routine. cozy comfortable and connected. but i realize now, we were simply losing ourselves. hiding away in a far off fun reality. one of excitement, wonder, adventure, lust, and love..mostly love. it was our outlet to be happy. it just hit me. those nights weren't real. they weren't the truth..

asking a question, for an unwanted answer.
knowingly known, understanding her.
the present realization, distant from the past.
come a long way, from a truth split last.
built up, supported in fame.
honest communication, a jokers game.
every ounce every breath, purposefully gave.
unpredicted, and independently brave.
a soft goodbye, not holding a kiss.
sadness came, the mark was missed.
a pair apart, not asked to join.
simply put, a one sided coin.

justified through lies deep in my eyes.

To all the broken glasses, I'm sorry.
To all the fractured bones, it wasn't intentional.
To all the times I didn't wake up early enough, my justification was never valid.
To al the days I've gone to work hungover, I thought I knew better.
To all the times I went days without showering, I guess I didn't care.
To all the times I spent money I didn't have, I always did it again.
To all the pages of books I never finished, I was afraid of committing.
To all the times I destroyed something beautiful, a childish love took over.

To my selfishness inside, I always said I was growing.

4,320 minutes.

It's scary how quickly life can change. It's interesting how it shows us it's true colors. Your struggles seem pathetic once you learn of others. How quickly it brings clarity through a lens not understood nor crafted. There's always hope. Those times when you are less important. It is no longer about you.

sometimes you just have to stop thinking and go with the flow for today is new, now is present and it's the only thing that matters. i will not be afraid of it.

you are my family

it's more than because you have to.. it's more about because I want you to. I wish it was so. it's actually better because it's not. you would because of how much you love me. all of you would. but at the root of it all, you never did. not even a little bit none of you did. all i ever wanted was for you to, and you didn't. i disregarded it, and you, each of you. casted it away.

the pasts faults, have become the presents contingencies.

is excitement measured on a 1 to 10 scale? or in weight via a centre beam balance scale ?

the smell of chlorine and cigarets, it's only thursday the calendar reads.

tomorrow will always be a new day.

i fall asleep happy but alone,

and i am loved.

i do not know if i am smiling.

pain: a sensation accompanied by the motor response to withdraw

A man stands in front of me with a cigarette in his hand. "I'm fearful of rejection" he tells me as a deep inhale exits his lungs. The cool evening provides us the comfort to be vulnerable as he begins to verbalize the realization he's gaining of his fears. "I am the only limiting force of Christ," he says, "and I must step outside my box." We are investing in each other because of our worth. Specifically placed as the dial of a thermostat, we are not a waste of time. But so strong as to break through the status quo. These are the first steps to personal freedom as defined by the understanding of pain.

does it mean anything different if a seashell says to a rock "you're the most beautiful rock on the beach" , or if a rock says to another rock "you're the most beautiful rock on the beach" ?

she asked me, "what happened in October 2011 that prompted you to begin this?"

It's things that take us back to the beginning that make us realize where we were. Where we once embellished a specific moment in time..it makes us think.
The start of it all, the push for new. For change. Recline in words spoken and told. Read through bitter inspiration of a past and present world so dramatically written about the audience can't even comprehend its original purpose.
For I for he. Me and them. the experience was worth the world. Strapped into the seat of a twisted turning terrifying roller coaster of a ride. I do not regret I continue to ride.
The beginning of it all was never the beginning, just another present moment we choose and are lucy enough to call the start. Never relinquish and try to wish. Hope can be heavier than the future and lighter than a dream.
Hopefully now.

**repost** because I needed to read it many times again

open your hand -- then close your hand

love me as if you were to experience the most amount of pain.
at your weakest of moments, love.
when the end has come will you love me like that.
the best of your person in terrible suffer
love me as you are feeling it then.
those are the emotions that are true.

then we will be able to understand,
and be happy for eternity.

this will not hold meaning without knowing the date and time this was written

..that one time when reality was more than the truth.
You blow out the candles and a ghost appears

"I'm like a foreign film..you need subtitles to understand me. But I'm also like a foreign film in that there's more to me than the subtitles."
-TJ

these chapters don't have titles.

We all have a story that we don't know how to write, or when and how it will end. All we can do is create one page at a time with the understanding that there is more to come that builds on the past. It's these future pages these present words are molding into poetic lines. Some chapters are harder to read, or are spent in long character development. But all in their right way moving forward to a discovered end. The closing of this book will not be by our own hands and we will smile by the grace of God.

life can only be lived forward but can only be understood backwards.

when in reality you are not lost at the fork, but an adventure we will ride out forever.

it's the squirrel with too many nuts it can't carry them all complex..

when all you really need sometimes is a back brace - to hold you up and organize your nuts.

just a few things that aren't mine..mostly

...to see the moments that define a place.
-claire

'there's nothing in there but lost dreams'
-christina

just act like a balloon that someone let go.
-john

"I saw a Lamborghini with a unicorn in the passenger seat tonight, that's fucked up.."
-stranger

You can't half ass being ridiculous...otherwise you're just being ridiculous.

Superman can't tell everyone about his powers.
-dad

~what's better for a squirrel - the perfect tree for it to make a home, or a huge pile of nuts?

Never sip before I say anything -
-andrew

who am i to ask questions of the unknown and different?
is it a responsibility to know, or the lack there of knowing that places you in a category of normal and allows you to rest easy?
at the heart, or foundation of each specific or general question is a judgment.. would you say otherwise?
this judgment is typically unintentionally evil - just the root.

now where do you lie in the spectrum of such unknowing? what questions are being asked about you?

is it fair?

my mind is at such a level of peace and power that i can't even get a brain freeze no matter how fast i drink.

the mac to my cheese.

I look up to the stars in the sky,
and it reminds me of, you and I.

Of the night we spent,
cold and bundled up, sleeping in a tent.

You for me, special and rare,
I didn't know it then, but love was in the air.

A trip so easy, simple and true,
this could have been a breaking point that I never knew.

Instead it was moments by the hour,
a relationship began blossoming like a sunflower.

I climbed the mountain looking in caves,
I am proud of us, for being so brave.

We were taking a chance, laying it all out on the line,
not for one second did I fear you wouldn't be mine.

A night under the stars with laughs and smiles,
a moment forever ingrained in my mind, that runs on for miles.

Sitting by the fire hand in hand,
that moment was ours, as if we ruled all the land.

A star filled sky, laughs and love,
a perfect fit, as a hand in a glove.

You are for me, and I for you,
Christina Anne, I simply love you.

There is only one.
One perfect
example,
leading,
following,
modled relationship that I aspire to be..
My parents.

The two of them..
Each individualistic in their own.
A component of puzzle pieces from two separate puzzles
they fit together
predestined to be.

For myself,
this is my goal.
If I can shoot for the stars,
paint thee most clearest picture of my hopes and dreams
of the best life for myself..
This is it-
nothing more,
no less..
This is what I want for me.

I was taught never to judge,
never to compare for we are each our own.
Not to want another's position
place
or life.
Be proud of who I am..
Where I've come from.

I've come from you.
From the two of you.
My parents.
The best,
absolute best of who I am,
who I've become.
Who I've made my self to be.
This life I've paved before myself of complete,
utter happiness.
A smile from ear to ear at each moment of the day.
This is my gift from you.

The place I currently sit,
with a happy-full relationship and life I'm proud of,
I can only thank you two.
I compare who I am,
who she is,
and what we are,
to the two of you.

That is all I know
and exactly what I want for me,
for my life.
To have what you have..

This ever lasting LOVE.

You mean the world to me...
Happy Anniversary.

open your hand -- then close your hand

love me as if you were to experience the most amount of pain.
at your weakest of moments, love.
when the end has come will you love me like that.
the best of your person in terrible suffer
love me as you are feeling it then.
those are the emotions that are true.

then we will be able to understand,
and be happy for eternity.

12:02pm, on the toilet. dressed in temporary form. making the most out of an opportunity.

What we dream about - does it have any implications on life and our reality? Do they hold answer to questions we might not even know we are asking? Are they our wishes and hopes, or wants and goals in specific or similar characterized form?
Will my dreams affect my daily life? Are they what I want from my life?

Or are they jus stories created in our sleepy unconscious that hold no truth?
Are they just dreams?

this is how I felt at that one moment...and it carried me all the way through.

There's a place in the clouds. One that's warm, soft & full.

It's a healing place. We are comfortable when we are there.

We are dressed in our best, wearing our biggest smiles as we float about scanning the view.

Everyone here is present & welcome, all with similar intentions - but it's a different story.

Attention to: is unique in color & individual.

Memories are not made in this special place of visit & ecstasy. They are only remembered & shared.

Our most happiest of moments held our invitation. We are all at our bests ridding in horse n buggy as we arrive.

You will not find everyone at this place hidden amongst the clouds nor will you remain here forever.

It's a temporary place, like a party we all hope to go to. It's a peaceful place no pain or worry exist.

Fears are left at the door.

And we all dance in laughter as we run round circle in the glory of our lives. Who we were, who we've become & who we want to be...all three we are right now.

In and at this moment all is complete. And we are happy, remaining in peace for eternity.

I am remembered,

I am thought of,

I am complete.

You are my hopes,

my dreams,

my life. 

And I am happy forever more.  

There's a stranger in the night. Walks tall, lengthy and long as it lingers in the fog. Truth be told and the seasons will remain still. For your expression is honest, full of emotion, if you are willing to let yourself go with the understanding you made the most.
  Your best, done.
This time was well spent and to its fullest. For when thinking or even wishing what could have been, smile in thought and look at the most very current moment and what is present at hand. That is gold. The power and success, genuine happiness is only obtained in the now; as this led bleeds into words how are you now. This is when you can now begin to judge your life. what is currently had. Then rest easy if you are happy,
  "I have already won."

understand the space in between

each like the side of a rope..
we play tug-a-war.
contribution
a double sided slope.
the pendulum side to side.
I began my feat,
a delicious treat,
all the way tumbling down.

the insanity plead,
done well & taken the lead,
for pitterpatter fallin rain drops,
fall.

Beneath it all...
way way down low,
the special type of roots do grow.
no soil needed only moisture is pleaded,
reaching the sky above.

the sun shine on my face,
this beautiful place.

we call home.

and it is that easy.
you're just doing it the wrong way.

A: (you) B: (your God)

A: "You're absolutely crazy you know? How that ever works for you I'll never know."


B:"Maybe, but I'm right. Yo, herein lies the secret to life. It's not that you want it, it's that you have it.     How can you fail if you already have it? It's yours.
-That's how you believe."

a restless night's sleep.

when you can walk alone at night, enjoying the stars and the evening sky,
I will then be there to say hello.
I will not hold your hand nor cradle your head,
but I will say hello and offer a hug.

an alcoholic of an athlete.

What is a substance? And what is considered abusing it? By who's standards? What makes one better, safer, or more acceptable? Can it be justified?
Who decides? We all follow. And we all criticize.
..yet we all do.

there's purpose, in everything I do.

making you proud, that is my biggest motivation.
feeling the smile on your face
and the warmth in your heart
when you tell me how proud I make you.
that's it.

I grew up,
lived by your stories.
the excitement and joy,
risk and adventure.
I envied you.
wanted to be you.

I am now living my own stories,
one day at a time I am filling the pages of a never written book.
 but always remembered.

a paralel path halfway dusted down,
I am proud to be living this life.
with only the strength and guidance
I get from you.

I am proud of you,
so incredibly proud.

you did not know it,
never knew what to do.
might have felt you haven't been able to give me much at all..

well..,
you gave me the courage to be myself,
and unconditional love.
for that,
I thank you.

mom & dad

I never had it, but ALWAYS wanted it.
Now I have it,
and I want to use it.

a day before a holiday is just another day.

those that are strong, let em be strong/
those that talk, let talk/
those who do not listen or be patient,
    will never know..

DON"T TRY, JUST DO.

i've already accomplished greatness

2:34am

my biggest problem is i want to change the world...
i feel so overwhelmed because the world is so big. how am i going to do it?
  will i self destruct?

???

what I love to do hurts the most.
But I cannot ever settle for doing anything less...

take a walk with me.. i'll show you a story

the story was of a man who lives in the town.
  never seen a man so up and down.
his north was straight,
south and east.
 west was what ever  could become
never mattered much,
it was as a setting sun.

fears lined,
across his shoulders.
 though it was never seen.
who's confusing,
he asks his shadow..
claiming it is as true as gold.

carefully he stands,
perched high on the tower.
 cleverly planning his night.
he's the up and down man,
who sways from the plan
he swear he is never living.

last night.

The water pours, sliding down my skin, 
as it washes away all of last nights sins. 
One for a push, twice for a shove, 
I was placed in the middle, like a hand squeezed in a glove. 
Spiraling up, afraid to climb, 
bottle of vodka, two hits for a dime.
To an fro, 
we are just players of a game, as we come an go. 
Back to the start, childish stares, 
colorful beanie, watch the glares. 
Dancing about as I make her smile, 
reaching for the sky, I top the pile. 
Ready to fall, all the way down, 
hurry up and borrow my crown. 
Lines lines, four to the nose,
not one drink, nobody knows. 
 This night is ours, wrapped with a bow, 
 find your seat and enjoy the show. 

I am happy because..

such a frustrating day... I wanna know how you're always so happy.

Well. I don't just think, I know and believe that I am extremely fortunate and grateful to live where I live, go to school where I do, have friends and family that love and support me. Life can only be paradise at that point. Every single one of us has hard days, troubles, stresses, and fears, it's normal. We shouldn't expect anything less. It's exciting knowing we have the power to over come it all. And on top of all that, one of the main things that keeps me happy is knowing that it could always be worse: not having basic rights or freedoms etc. It is a pleasure and joy to live this life. I am happy because I understand it to be a gift and take advantage living each moment to the fullest.

i am at peace.

cool ocean breeze, the air fills my lungs.
the sound of the waves, soothing my soul.
the sea of flickering lights, line the horizon.
a deep breath, and i am whole once again.
take a moment for myself,
i deserve it.

as a ring lay on your finger, smooth and soft. you are not yourself.

the wind passes by as a freight train in the night.
trees shake, twist, and bend.
the ocean is a live,
angry and cold.
the building rumbles,
wind screams by.
we are not alone
as we all experience a chill.

the more lines you throw out there the more likely you are to catch a fish.

and it was my day.
i was free to choose what i want.
my path or plan,
actions and moves.
and i chose.
 i enjoyed myself.

you can't help someone unless they are willing to help themselves..

no more sleep.

it will never be handed to you. you are in control and will get out of it what you put into it. no matter how high the walls or how deep down in a rut, there is no celling. you can always fly.

January 27th

Today is an important day. and it must be done right.

"today felt like Christmas"

.

talking is my therapy.

it's only a distraction.

we think that those that talk to themselves as weird, strange, crazy, or special.
but don't you think to yourself?
have thoughts, ponder ideas, question certain things.....do you write or paint and speak your art as you create it?
Can you explain the difference?

it's a miracle. well of course it is. i wouldn't have expected anything else.

i hope you [what] are happy and well

the [what] that i miss is broad, various in forms but all just as true and real. what i miss is not the exact same as what i long for. very similar though. when ever that time is it will be the right time and what i miss will become what i remember and cherish. sadness is replaced with happiness and we smile when we see lilies.

the only two certain things in life:

CHANGE

   and

DEATH



accept, embrace, and do not fear.

matching your actions to your intentions is not always as easy as it seems. a constant process to be the best i can be

your mind is powerful enough to overcome it.

we are never bigger than our actions. we can never be more than what we do. if we hold ourselves to such a high value and standard, then we must perform to such every moment of every day. for the times in between greatness do not make you great..unless you are taking steps forward. model the way every day, and you will never fail.

it's okay.

we all have our issues.

none of us are perfect. 

very far from it in fact.

we excel in some areas, 

and fail in others. 

there is no way around it. 

my fault might be a small one,

but it affects you in such a deep way.

i may not ever understand.

i hope i will be able to fix it.

an i hope you know

you made me realize 

more than anyone else 

ever has.

i'm sorry i couldn't have

been better with it,

understood it more 

when i was with you.

i am trying to

learn.

the powers of vulnerability....did you realize?


http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html?source=email#.UMAjMSiHWOZ.email

take a cup and fill it half way with water. look at it until you realize it is half full,
then start your day.

she say, "paint me a picture of optimism if you are so clever."

I smile back at her

15 hours in, and counting..

taking a moment to realize you do not know what you know. removing yourself as a follower of the natural flow and way things ought to be.. will allow you to reflect in a way you previously thought impossible. you will be pleasantly surprised with your progression for it can only be positive when you believe in yourself.

you cannot flip a one sided coin.

wearing the shoe on the opposite foot is not the same as wearing my shoe.

the hours of the day seem motionless.

my bones shiver an shake..
down to the core i am cold..

i must press on,
when all i want is sleep.

ahhhh

misunderstanding.....it doesn't have to be such a motherfucker.
"...accept the things I can not change..."

and move on.

it is titled: energy

what i want from you has nothing to do with me.
i can not benefit directly nor on any tangible level as you can,
but i still want it from you.
you to be motivated each day for you.
inspired and happy
because your individual life is good.
to be goal accomplishing and future bound
carried by your visions and aspirations
consciously and actively seeking your dreams.
this reality not harsh no complicated,
just lost among the few fallen leaves.
it is out there,
for you.

who do you want to be?

everybody has problems.
your biggest problem is you think you're the only one.
give yourself a brake and remove that doubt.
"normal" is having difficulties,
what raises you above is accepting and overcoming them.

Transforming leadership

-can result in a relationship of mutual stimulation and elevation that converts followers into leaders and may convert leaders into moral agents...

the information man.

courtesy of a friend-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIr4pL9P0SA

today is an exciting day.
i did not dream of making it to the top,
i already accomplished it and am making my way there.